You can't paint eggs pink...

You can't paint eggs pink, people might think it's an escaped testicle!

poppy insists she wants to paint Easter eggs pink - I thought this was the best excuse "do you think the judges would make an escaped testi the winner?" "yes,of course!" poppy replies. Doh!

Excuse me daddy...

Excuse me Daddy, get out of the way, I am trying to speak to Mummy

Yip, that's me told. At least I got an "Excuse me".

I'm spinning it with my body...

I'm spinning it with my body and I should be doing it with my feet

I keep over rotating a show it to disaster on the bank... I keep telling my body to stop traveling into it, but, it just won't listen - my feet...want to do all the work, but my torso keeps saying "weeeeee".

I'm going to put pepper...

I'm going to put pepper in one eye and salt in the other!

We were doing some cooking tonight, and poppy got hold of the salt and pepper. Seems, because 3year olds are not allowed much SnP in their food, they think of other ways to use it... Scary!

I can see the dust...

I can see the dust midges!

Poppy is sitting in the car today, and the way the light is falling, highlights the dust in the air... she seems to think that they are little flies, dancing in the air! awww.

I don't like daddys mood...

I don't like daddys mood, it's confinatial

SO! There you have it, if you start climbing on me, I'll get all confinatial on your ass.

Oh! I've been...

Oh! I've been sick! Silly me!

poor popps woke last night with a bug. She stumbles out of bed and starts shouting for us, only for us to get there a little too late.
Ever given a three year old a bath at 3am ?
It painfully reminded me of my childhood memories being sick...
She did give another nugget of a quote, about 'the bugs in my tummy having hairy legs scratching my inside making me sick' she's a trooper when she's ill. On antibiotics today - ear infection - chesty cough and spewing... Not fun.

I'm going to phone the kung fu man...

I'm going to phone the kung fu man, to chop chop daddy!

I didn't give Poppy the telly buttons today (I was listening to the new Autechre lp - "oversteps", very good it is too) - So Poppy apparently has an imaginary Kung Fu expert friend. The Phonecall went something like this...

beep beep beep "Hello?.......DADDY."

I imagined the chilling "dead tone" as she hung up the plastic toy phone...and awaited the assassin....

Thirty three?...

Thirty three? That's serious bad!

poppy was discussing her age today with gabs... And let this nugget out about mummy's age...

smell my ear...

smell my ear, it smells like ear wax!

Poppy knows what her ear smells like... I don't know how she knows but, she knows.

Why won't she ring...

Why won't she ring his doorbell?

Poppy is a bit worried that the lady Jack White is waiting to ring his doorbell isn't going to... aww, bless poppet.

I'd like a dribble...

I'd like a dribble cake please!

Poppy declared that she wanted the mystical dribble cake for dinner today. Om Nom

It's Shergal...

It's Shergal Farkey!

Yay! the sead linger of the Undertones is on the telly.... I can't look at him without reminiscing about the time in Manchester when I pulled a business card out of his ear (this is a true story, I kid you not). It involved playing at "in the City", a free bar (laid on by the PRS) and some hi jinx - as I was young. Ah, dem wur de days.

That's not a pot hole!...

That's not a pot hole! It's a flaming crater!

My lovely friend Alan came to Aberdeen today, and he was in fits of laughter about "the pot holes"... the funny thing was, these were just wee ones! I don't want to get all EE in your face...but when one of your pals starts laughing at the state of the roads in Aberdeen, it kind of brings it home... ooops!

I'm going to give you a great big...

I'm going to give you a great big chocolate hug!

Poppy came into the bedroom this morning, and announced that she was going to give mummy a lovely special hug... what a lovely way to start the day. I didn't get one. Bah.

Pessary into the...

Pessary into the Anus

I'm always amazed at how detailed analytics and search engine data is. I made a video for John Zorn, Bill Laswell and Mick Harris' "painkiller" (freestyle improv Jazz) - the "song" - "one Eyed pessary". I've seen on the youTube analytics, that someone "stumbled upon it" by typing in google "Pessary into the Anus" - that's either a kinky jazz fan, or a confused ill person. Either way, thanks to adding to the 7,184 views its had already.

I want to teach my fingers...

I want to teach my fingers how to ballet dance!

Poppy pipes up in the back of the car today, this little nugget... We don't know how she'll do it (as she cant' ballet dance herself) but, by Jove, we'll help her all we can!...not that we can ballet dance either! (well...Gabi can!)

that music sounds like...

that music sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks!

Listening to Battles in the car today, Poppy pipes up that they sound like chipmunks... I suppose she's an expert and a massive fan, so she knows what she's talking about... you decide.

Daddy, now it's...

Daddy, now it's your turn to clown around!

Poppy likes being entertained by me "clowning around" - you know, bashing my head off the door and falling over, putting a hat on over my face, pulling my own nose. poking myself in the eye... We were at the Frances Walker exhibition at Peacock Visual Arts tonight, and nearing the end of the night, with a select audience, Poppy started doing her own clowning around, much to the entertainment of the crowd...then, "Daddy, it's your turn to clown around!"...Gulp... here goes!....stumble, trip, wheee! ho ho ho

Why do disabled people...

Why do disabled people drive such amazing cars?

oh, no, they don't it's just assholes with suped up sports cars that park in disabled spaces, to protect their special, expensive buddies from getting plebs car doors banged into them. Either that, or they park 2 miles from the Supermarket door... how sad.

I smell.....

I smell sheeeeeeeit

Yip, the ACSEF / WEBBER SHANDWICK "consultation" for the City Square (you know, the one with lots of bias questions about what you want to see in Aberdeen, oh, and in the concrete bunker where Union Terrace Gardens used to be) is over - and the results will be published on the 13th of.....April! yay!

An 8 week consultation, that takes 6 weeks to process. Did I mention that Peacock lose their funding at the end of March... yes, ACSEF knew that too... you'd almost be forgiven for thinking that they are doing it on purpose! - how to win friends, and influence people? - no, how to kill the competition and piss them off so much that they actually do leave Aberdeen in droves because this town just doesn't support creative people - it's for business and rich people, until that black gold finally gets sucked up, then, I'm sure the artists can help the people left whom didn't benefit from the oil generate some civic sense of self and pride in their region in 20+ years time.... thanks boys, thanks a lot.

Zats Ze Way...

Zats Ze Way to Do It!

I had to watch four political people (Lead Council Figures) discussing ideas which affect people in Aberdeen. They end up A, saying nothing, B, pulling faces, C, sighing and shaking their head, D, saying "that's not true" (then saying A), E, saying anything that gets a round of applause and looking happy about it. All that was missing was the wooden swinging of bats and some sausages. Punch and Judy, indeed.

One thing I did learn, is that we should always accept what rich people want when it means a city will be "gifted*" a large amount of money.

Gift "A sum of money that will secure the purchase of some land"

You can write...

You can write 'Turd' on the Press and Journal comments on-line, but not 'Hell'

I find this rather amusing. If you write HELL, oh no! that's a "profanity". Sod and Turd can sit quite happily on their pages, perhaps they just feel at home... who'd a thunk it?

Clutch, break and...

Clutch, Break and Acentiometer?

Coming home from another day of making dust at Claypots, poppy wanted to sit in the drivers seat (again!)... I gave her a quick lesson of what the pedals were in the car, and this is what sunk in... not bad at all, I thought!

I prefer Kerry...

I prefer Kerry King to Jeff Hamnamnn

Slayers - "Ghosts of war" come on the iPod when Pops and I were upstairs - we had a wee mosh around and jumping on the bed... I asked Poppy who's guitar solo she preferred, and it appears that Kerry King wins the day. Probably because she couldn't say Hanneman.

we dinnae want a....

we dinnae want a pathy over Union terrace Gardens, thanks!

yes, "we" (the yes, "we" (the pro PVA / UTG people) have been called many a name by ACSEF and sir Ian over the last few weeks... but, today, (the last day of the City Square Consultation) it's been noted that "apathy" has destroyed sir Ian's plans... we're all a bit confused... We thought apathy is when nobody cares?... 9000 people signing a petition and even from Webber Shandwick's website stating that it's been the most popular / contributed consultation in years in Scotland (more than the Trams in Edinburgh!).

So - if you are going to run a consultation that's "open and honest" - and will accept the results, because you've spent time setting up the entire system to garner thoughts about your project, don't spit the dummy and act like a baby when it all goes wrong for you. Be a man, and be respectful of te people that have taken the time and effort to tell you their thoughts.

now, all we have to wait for - is ACSEF to throw in the towel...but, that's not going t happen, is it... they'll be pretty bent out of shape and will probably do anything they can to ensure NOTHING happens in Aberdeen now. Boo hoo indeed.

Ohhhh, oh oh! sweet...

Ohhhh, oh oh! sweet cheese of mine!

Poppy started saying she didn't like melted cheese today (hanging around with kids at nursery is making her fussy...as expected!) - so I had to make up an impromptu song to the tune of "sweet child o mine" to promote the benefits of eating melted cheese. They of course are:

• Good for your knees
• stops you sneez(ing)
• scares away fleas
• goes well with peas
• helps you find house keys

this was a one off performance.

I still think that humans...

I still think that humans think things think like us

A rather trippy starting sentence to Dr Donnie Ross' facebook post about a puddle that looks like a cave painting, with his own inimitable cheeky phrasing to draw out some interesting debate. I love the way Donnie pretends to appear dumb or daft to break people's guard. A very clever man indeed, they didn't make him a doctor for nothing, you know!

My point... well, there is no point - and that's also the ironic joke. Ask me Saturday, I might think differently.

Civic pride...

Civic pride - or civic price?

The last week of the CitySquare / UTG rumble this week... the "consultation" is still open for you to contribute your thoughts. If you want a "concrete lid" on the only central green space in Aberdeen - go for it, you tell them how much you hate nature in cities. if you want to see Union Terrace Gardens (UTG) kept - please just click "no" on the 3rd question (avoid those pesky weighted, contentious questions aimed to show "interest" in what would go INSIDE a CONCRETE BOX that will destroy UTG. You could always just sign the pro UTG petition with nearly 8,000 signatures on it... http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/save-the-new-contemporary-art-centre-in-union-terrace-gardens.html

Anyway - the boss of the Marcliff (Stuart Spence) is "Ashamed of Aberdeen" and recommends his clients "wear a blindfold whilst visiting the city centre" - and it's the arts community that are supposed to be snobs and "exclusive" ? ah, you've got to love spin.

I was lucky enough to be able to showcase Aberdeen to some Swiss arts business men (interCult) - interested in working with Aberdeen to put on a festival linking European Port Cities - and I was proud to show them Union Street - the vista was stunning (helped with a little sprinkling of movie-esque snow). Just goes to show, eh - Civic pride comes from within - whereas civic price seems to be generated from greed and the quest for green (not grass that is).

Sad days indeed - only come to Aberdeen if you are interested in money and how they show it - by killing nature and raising business rates... welcome, welcome indeed.

no, that's the cat...

no, that's the cat on that side of my mouth, the other side is the stairs.

I think I'd put a mouth quote in here already...but Poppy was quite insistent that the front left top side of her mouth is where the cats are, and the front right top side is the bedroom, the top front is the landing... ach, you get it... don't you?...